RSB Sr. July 31, 1933-Dec. 21, 1980

It's the first day of Winter (the season I like the LEAST) and also my Dad's 30 year memorial. Here he is pictured just before he passed away. He was only 47 years old.
It's hard to believe that I will be that same age next year. I have so much to do in my life, so many things I want to see and do. I can't imagine only have one more year of my life to live. I don't even feel fully grown up yet!
I remember when he had his heart attack, the night we had all gone out to a wonderful B family dinner and he thought it was bad indigestion. We all now know that if you feel like you have a crushing chest pain, it's not indigestion, it's a heart attack. Every time I renew my CPR and have to review those symptoms, I think of him.
I remember him going out on the stretcher and seeing him later in the hospital and him telling us "Your old Dad will be fine." He always referred to himself as "your old Dad"...I wonder why. Did he know he wouldn't be here a long time?
Then, a few months later, he was hospitalized in MT, we were hoping they could fix those arteries and he would be ok. Back then, they didn't do quadruple bypasses like they do now regularly. So, they tried, but he didn't make it through surgery.
We did see him in the hospital but he really couldn't talk to us. He cried, I know he didn't want to leave us...but he passed.
It was the first funeral I ever went to.
I was 16 and my brother was 13.
My Dad didn't know to take care of himself. Back in the 60's and 70's folks thought smoking was good for them or, at the very least, not that bad for them. They also didn't know how bad cholesterol was for them or how bad high blood pressure could be. I'm sure my Dad had all of those. They told us that his heart was that of an old, old man.
His heart MUSCLE may have physically been old and unhealthy but his soul was of a good person who taught me to keep my word. Who never said a bad word about my Mom through a lot of crap, who always kissed and hugged us and told us he loved us. He may appear (in the photo) to be tough and maybe mean, but he was a marshmallow underneath.
He stayed so calm when I was driving his car, at age 14 (got my license at 13 in MT) and slid, slowly into another car on a snowy, icy day. No damage-and he asked me if I got out, exchanged info...was I driving slow and careful? Did I pump my brakes? (No ABS back then) He didn't yell at me, he taught me and made me feel good that I had done all the things I was taught and that it was just an accident-no harm, no foul.
He always put us first and he loved us unconditionally. Thank God we had one parent who did that. Every kid deserves that and we may have had it a short time in life but we HAD it and I'll never forget it. My confidence in myself comes from him...from knowing that he may not be here but he still loves me.
I never got mad like some kids get when my Dad passed away. I knew he didn't want to go. We didn't have counseling but I would recommend it if it happens in your family. Kids just need someone to talk to.
I wonder what he would look like as a little old man. I wonder what car he'd drive now, at age 77. I wonder what he would say about our business and I wish my husband had a chance to meet him-they are SO much alike (yes girls, you always marry 'your Dad'). I think they'd play chess and talk about math (ugh) and all that. My Dad always said, "One day you'll hold a computer in your hand"...and we do. Cell phones, Ipads, he'd LOVE all that stuff. He'd love that Mr. P&P works with technology and I bet they'd talk for hours about different ideas and inventions.
I know I would be in the other room watching some crazy Real Housewives show and rolling my eyes but I sure wish I could experience it...I know they'd both enjoy it.
So, here's to my Dad. Missed for the last 30 years, to be missed for the next 30 and the 30 after that. I believe, one day, I will see him again.
I seriously want to be an old, old lady when that happens (and I believe I will be and always have believed that) but...I can't wait for that hug.