Moms and non-Moms

This is an open letter to women who ARE Mothers...from those of us who are not Moms...

Dear Moms,
From those of us who are not Moms we'd like you to know that there are lots of circumstances as to why we are not Moms like you.
Please do not assume it's because we do not like or did not want kids. For many of us, it's because we could not have kids and could not bear the thought of adopting and possibly having the baby taken back by its biological Mom. Or, it's because we didn't have the funds to travel to a foreign Country to adopt. There are many other things that you should consider, as reasons why someone does not have kids.
And, by the way, you are no better than those of us who do not have kids. We would all appreciate it if you would stop treating us like second class citizens. Many of you do this without even knowing it, but you DO do this to us.
We are happy for you that you COULD have kids-many of you very easily and naturally. Some of you had to have medical intervention after years of physical and mental suffering and we are SO happy that you had a wonderful outcome and have a child or children. However, some of us went through that and did not get the outcome you did. We would appreciate it if you would be a little more sensitive to that.
If you chose to adopt, whether in the US or another Country, again, that's AWESOME. You have given a forever family to a child or children and that is an amazing thing. Again, we would appreciate it if you would not look down upon those of us who couldn't-don't assume we just 'didn't'.
I find, as a woman who could not have kids, I constantly am being treated like I am 'less than', looked down upon and basically pitied. Often, the women around me just roll their eyes when I tell them they need to keep themselves on their priority list (somewhere-I never said FIRST above your kids) and basically make me feel stupid and like I know NOTHING because I haven't raised kids.
I do concede that I will never know how it feels to be up all night with a screaming child who is teething, I will never know the pain of a Mother whose child is sick and the worry that brings. I realize I will never know what it's like to break up fights all day between my kids, choose buying my kids clothes/shoes and not myself and decide which camp to send them to, if any. I will not know what it feels like to see them choose a college and move away from me for the first time or drive out of the driveway with a brand new driver's license and the worry that must bring.
But...I'm not stupid. I have common sense and I have close friends raising kids and I am part of their 'village' so please stop assuming I'm a complete dunce in this area and would have NO CLUE about anything...and remember,
I will also never know what it's like to have someone say, "Mom I love you." When I'm old and gray (and I plan to be) I will not have anyone to visit me once all my contemporaries have passed on. I will rely upon the kindness of strangers or friends. I will have no children to 'guilt' into taking me shopping or come over to fix my roof or let me move in with them.
And while, when I come home, I get jumped on and licked and it feels great (by my furry daughter), I will never get to see a person who looks like me. I will never have someone say-she looks just like you.
Often when I am around women who are Moms (and I am, A LOT in my job) they just don't get it. They only want to talk about their kids, where they are, what they're doing, their accomplishments and when I say or do something that shows the difference between me and them-a Mom and a non-Mom-they freak out. They start looking at me negatively because I'm something they don't understand and they get this air of superiority about them...and, by the way, that makes me and all non-Moms feel like crap. So thanks-not.
My whole job is supporting women (and the guys who come too) and showing them that doing something good for themselves makes them better parents, spouses, friends...and I get treated like I'm nothing because I couldn't have kids. Where's the support for us non-Moms?
Just because you carried a baby or babies, or adopted, does NOT make you a better person. It also does not make us non-Moms less than you.
We would appreciate it if you could be a little more sensitive. We're supposed to consider you, your strollers, your kids wherever we go-we're supposed to hold the door for you, have special parking spots for you, help you in the airport, stop your kid from running in the street if you're not looking for a second-and we will do ALL those things, because it's the right thing to do. It is women helping women but...
Could you possibly try and understand the other side? Could you possibly cut a non-Mom some slack once in awhile and consider that, just because we don't have the same life experience you do, that we are just as important as you? Just as valuable as you? Ok?
Thanks.

It's that time of year again...

I know, I know, not much blogging going on-sorry. Please visit me over on FB...
But, there are times when I need to get something off my chest and I don't want to post it on FB-you know, because everyone sees it instantly and then starts over-analyzing it...and I really just want to get it off my chest and, well, it's ok if someone reads it and all...

Anyway, it's my birthday month-10 days to go to be exact and it always makes me think of my Dad. I'm thrilled to be having another birthday and feeling healthy and strong (after two THRs and some anemia, and those stupid fibroids-that we're getting in check). I'll take the minor things I have over the fact that my Dad died at 47 of a massive heart attack-most likely brought on by congenital factors, high BP, too much salt and, oh, 2 packs a day of cigs.

And, of course, birthdays make me thankful and make me think-what could I do better in the coming year?
Well, the two THRs certainly helped me work on my patience in the last 2 years, oh and trust. I had to totally trust my doctors and my husband to allow myself to be wheeled into the OR 2 times (ever in my life!) and patient to wait 6 hours (with no food or water allowed) for my first THR. I had to be a little patient with myself in the healing process but, thankfully, I heal in some freakishly weird, high speed fashion.
I still need to work on my patience and my trust. I could always be a better wife and Mother...I get easily frustrated with people when I feel like they are:
-not using common sense
-not paying attention when driving
-acting like THEY are the only people on earth
Ok, so I guess I really need to continue the patience work.
I can manage 99% of things in my life but there's 1% I need to work on. I'm taking steps to get better at it but it still needs work. I'll keep trying, that's all I can do.

I want to continue to purge things out of my house, simplify. We want to be sure that, in 10 years time when we move back to SoCal, our house is in order in every way. Things are just things-what's really important is the people you love-friends, family...

And, I want to be here 48 more years-to love my family and friends, to see how the world changes, to keep learning...
Everyone these days seems to have a 'bucket list'...I don't really have one, though it might be fun to start one...
-I want to go back to Maui. That was the BEST trip ever. I love it there. It's like Santa Barbara on steroids (but in a good way)
-I want to go to the Amalfi Coast. My husband's people are from Italy and I know he wants to see it and so do I
-Before I'm too old to carry it, I'd like a Chanel bag (I'm a bag girl for sure!) I know that's a 'thing' but, well, just being honest here
-I'd like to see our business get a little bit bigger...just a little!
-I'd like to go to Monaco
-I'd like to have a home in my hometown and have a lemon tree and an avocado tree in my yard-I miss that
-I'd like to see just how long I can keep these hips-I'm betting at least 40 years...
-I'd like to see my best childhood friend, Julie Miller, again and have lunch with her. We're on FB but I'd really just like to give her a hug. That goes for Randall P as well and Asik too.

It probably sounds like a sad bucket list but I really don't need much. I love the life I have and I think that's the important thing in life. If you're always 'wishing' for everything, I can't see how you can be happy.

So, there you have it-a blog post.