HI All (for anyone still reading...),
I know you're probably hoping for an upbeat, happy post about the Holidays, right?
Well, it is NOT my favorite time of the year. Sorry. Teaching my classes and running the Center help a TON, because I know how much so many love this season and it helps me like it more-so thanks for that!
But, I always get a sense of dread coming into this time of year. My Dad passed on 12/21 and my husband's Dad passed on 12/1, so, as you can see, it's not a big happy pappy season for us. (And many out there, by the way, so we know we're not alone.) And, for my cousins, it's the first holiday without their Dad and my Aunt with her husband. Not easy.
So, as you walk through this season (if it's your favorite especially), please remember that it's not everyone's favorite. Be kind, be understanding.
I mean, all you hear since HALLOWEEN is 'buy this' 'buy that', 'go here', 'go there'-it will MAKE your day. Buying this gift will MAKE someone else's day. Really? No. What will make someone's day is spending time with them, asking them (and meaning it), "How are you doing?". We all feel the pressure and the RUSH of the season. I say, slow down...savor TIME with your family and friends. Plan EVENTS (not big ones)-going out to dinner with your 'girls', making cookies with your kids, making cookies BY yourself (I did that yesterday and will again today and it's FUN), drive around in the evening, family packed into the car (even if your family, like mine, is a puppy, husband/wife and you), it's FREE and it's FUN to see all the lights.
As I looked upon my class yesterday, I saw many people struggling-not struggling with class, but internal struggle and I tried to motivate but be understanding. I will try harder today.
And, if you're struggling, know you are not alone. Comment here, come to class, but get those feelings out. It does NOT make you weak, it actually helps you be strong; because, when you share your feelings, it helps others and that's a wonderful thing.
It IS a wonderful life, one I hope I'm in for MANY decades to come but I'm not sure I'll ever really be my happiest during this season. I'm going to keep trying, I know THAT!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Where were you?
I was heading to an appointment up in NH and pulled into the parking lot just as Matty in the Morning was saying, "Folks, this is NOT a bit-a plane has crashed into the World Trade Center in NYC..."
I went into my appointment and told everyone to put on a TV or radio, then I called my husband. They were all in the conference room already. I knew K was safe with the kids at Jazz...
On the way home, information was coming fast and furious, confusion...panic. What was going on? What was happening next? The second plane, the Pentagon...Shanksville.
I was in front of the TV until the moment I left for the Center. Should we open for afternoon/evening classes? When I got there I took our little TV and put it in the studio room so I could watch/hear all that was going on. One of the planes from Boston, the buildings came down? OMG. That was said over and over all day and for days after.
The silence was deafening. No planes. Traffic disappeared. People were so kind to each other. So, so kind, everywhere.
We did open. We had our classes, myself and our instructors wanted to teach, they wanted to be together and see our clients.
We wanted American flags everywhere-we made pins to give to our clients. We realized one of the pilots' wives was a former client and one of our clients cousins was a flight attendant.
When we finally realized all that had happened...terrorism. They came here, they attacked us. Those people on the plane that went down in PA? What they did was amazing. They took action, they didn't just sit there. They knew what was going to happen and they did it anyway. So much respect for each one of them, whom I will never know. Doesn't matter. I know they saved all of us.
All those firefighters and EMTs and police-anyone who stepped in to save someone else? You are heroes to all of us.
Today? We remember. We vow to never forget.
Please go out and commit a random act of kindness to someone-buy someone's coffee in the drive through, let someone pass, hold a door open, drop off cookies to a neighbor, hug your kids and your husband and your dog or cat, even if they all drive you crazy. Thank a police officer or fireman. Do something for a military family.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Moms and non-Moms
This is an open letter to women who ARE Mothers...from those of us who are not Moms...
Dear Moms,
From those of us who are not Moms we'd like you to know that there are lots of circumstances as to why we are not Moms like you.
Please do not assume it's because we do not like or did not want kids. For many of us, it's because we could not have kids and could not bear the thought of adopting and possibly having the baby taken back by its biological Mom. Or, it's because we didn't have the funds to travel to a foreign Country to adopt. There are many other things that you should consider, as reasons why someone does not have kids.
And, by the way, you are no better than those of us who do not have kids. We would all appreciate it if you would stop treating us like second class citizens. Many of you do this without even knowing it, but you DO do this to us.
We are happy for you that you COULD have kids-many of you very easily and naturally. Some of you had to have medical intervention after years of physical and mental suffering and we are SO happy that you had a wonderful outcome and have a child or children. However, some of us went through that and did not get the outcome you did. We would appreciate it if you would be a little more sensitive to that.
If you chose to adopt, whether in the US or another Country, again, that's AWESOME. You have given a forever family to a child or children and that is an amazing thing. Again, we would appreciate it if you would not look down upon those of us who couldn't-don't assume we just 'didn't'.
I find, as a woman who could not have kids, I constantly am being treated like I am 'less than', looked down upon and basically pitied. Often, the women around me just roll their eyes when I tell them they need to keep themselves on their priority list (somewhere-I never said FIRST above your kids) and basically make me feel stupid and like I know NOTHING because I haven't raised kids.
I do concede that I will never know how it feels to be up all night with a screaming child who is teething, I will never know the pain of a Mother whose child is sick and the worry that brings. I realize I will never know what it's like to break up fights all day between my kids, choose buying my kids clothes/shoes and not myself and decide which camp to send them to, if any. I will not know what it feels like to see them choose a college and move away from me for the first time or drive out of the driveway with a brand new driver's license and the worry that must bring.
But...I'm not stupid. I have common sense and I have close friends raising kids and I am part of their 'village' so please stop assuming I'm a complete dunce in this area and would have NO CLUE about anything...and remember,
I will also never know what it's like to have someone say, "Mom I love you." When I'm old and gray (and I plan to be) I will not have anyone to visit me once all my contemporaries have passed on. I will rely upon the kindness of strangers or friends. I will have no children to 'guilt' into taking me shopping or come over to fix my roof or let me move in with them.
And while, when I come home, I get jumped on and licked and it feels great (by my furry daughter), I will never get to see a person who looks like me. I will never have someone say-she looks just like you.
Often when I am around women who are Moms (and I am, A LOT in my job) they just don't get it. They only want to talk about their kids, where they are, what they're doing, their accomplishments and when I say or do something that shows the difference between me and them-a Mom and a non-Mom-they freak out. They start looking at me negatively because I'm something they don't understand and they get this air of superiority about them...and, by the way, that makes me and all non-Moms feel like crap. So thanks-not.
My whole job is supporting women (and the guys who come too) and showing them that doing something good for themselves makes them better parents, spouses, friends...and I get treated like I'm nothing because I couldn't have kids. Where's the support for us non-Moms?
Just because you carried a baby or babies, or adopted, does NOT make you a better person. It also does not make us non-Moms less than you.
We would appreciate it if you could be a little more sensitive. We're supposed to consider you, your strollers, your kids wherever we go-we're supposed to hold the door for you, have special parking spots for you, help you in the airport, stop your kid from running in the street if you're not looking for a second-and we will do ALL those things, because it's the right thing to do. It is women helping women but...
Could you possibly try and understand the other side? Could you possibly cut a non-Mom some slack once in awhile and consider that, just because we don't have the same life experience you do, that we are just as important as you? Just as valuable as you? Ok?
Thanks.
Dear Moms,
From those of us who are not Moms we'd like you to know that there are lots of circumstances as to why we are not Moms like you.
Please do not assume it's because we do not like or did not want kids. For many of us, it's because we could not have kids and could not bear the thought of adopting and possibly having the baby taken back by its biological Mom. Or, it's because we didn't have the funds to travel to a foreign Country to adopt. There are many other things that you should consider, as reasons why someone does not have kids.
And, by the way, you are no better than those of us who do not have kids. We would all appreciate it if you would stop treating us like second class citizens. Many of you do this without even knowing it, but you DO do this to us.
We are happy for you that you COULD have kids-many of you very easily and naturally. Some of you had to have medical intervention after years of physical and mental suffering and we are SO happy that you had a wonderful outcome and have a child or children. However, some of us went through that and did not get the outcome you did. We would appreciate it if you would be a little more sensitive to that.
If you chose to adopt, whether in the US or another Country, again, that's AWESOME. You have given a forever family to a child or children and that is an amazing thing. Again, we would appreciate it if you would not look down upon those of us who couldn't-don't assume we just 'didn't'.
I find, as a woman who could not have kids, I constantly am being treated like I am 'less than', looked down upon and basically pitied. Often, the women around me just roll their eyes when I tell them they need to keep themselves on their priority list (somewhere-I never said FIRST above your kids) and basically make me feel stupid and like I know NOTHING because I haven't raised kids.
I do concede that I will never know how it feels to be up all night with a screaming child who is teething, I will never know the pain of a Mother whose child is sick and the worry that brings. I realize I will never know what it's like to break up fights all day between my kids, choose buying my kids clothes/shoes and not myself and decide which camp to send them to, if any. I will not know what it feels like to see them choose a college and move away from me for the first time or drive out of the driveway with a brand new driver's license and the worry that must bring.
But...I'm not stupid. I have common sense and I have close friends raising kids and I am part of their 'village' so please stop assuming I'm a complete dunce in this area and would have NO CLUE about anything...and remember,
I will also never know what it's like to have someone say, "Mom I love you." When I'm old and gray (and I plan to be) I will not have anyone to visit me once all my contemporaries have passed on. I will rely upon the kindness of strangers or friends. I will have no children to 'guilt' into taking me shopping or come over to fix my roof or let me move in with them.
And while, when I come home, I get jumped on and licked and it feels great (by my furry daughter), I will never get to see a person who looks like me. I will never have someone say-she looks just like you.
Often when I am around women who are Moms (and I am, A LOT in my job) they just don't get it. They only want to talk about their kids, where they are, what they're doing, their accomplishments and when I say or do something that shows the difference between me and them-a Mom and a non-Mom-they freak out. They start looking at me negatively because I'm something they don't understand and they get this air of superiority about them...and, by the way, that makes me and all non-Moms feel like crap. So thanks-not.
My whole job is supporting women (and the guys who come too) and showing them that doing something good for themselves makes them better parents, spouses, friends...and I get treated like I'm nothing because I couldn't have kids. Where's the support for us non-Moms?
Just because you carried a baby or babies, or adopted, does NOT make you a better person. It also does not make us non-Moms less than you.
We would appreciate it if you could be a little more sensitive. We're supposed to consider you, your strollers, your kids wherever we go-we're supposed to hold the door for you, have special parking spots for you, help you in the airport, stop your kid from running in the street if you're not looking for a second-and we will do ALL those things, because it's the right thing to do. It is women helping women but...
Could you possibly try and understand the other side? Could you possibly cut a non-Mom some slack once in awhile and consider that, just because we don't have the same life experience you do, that we are just as important as you? Just as valuable as you? Ok?
Thanks.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
It's that time of year again...
I know, I know, not much blogging going on-sorry. Please visit me over on FB...
But, there are times when I need to get something off my chest and I don't want to post it on FB-you know, because everyone sees it instantly and then starts over-analyzing it...and I really just want to get it off my chest and, well, it's ok if someone reads it and all...
Anyway, it's my birthday month-10 days to go to be exact and it always makes me think of my Dad. I'm thrilled to be having another birthday and feeling healthy and strong (after two THRs and some anemia, and those stupid fibroids-that we're getting in check). I'll take the minor things I have over the fact that my Dad died at 47 of a massive heart attack-most likely brought on by congenital factors, high BP, too much salt and, oh, 2 packs a day of cigs.
And, of course, birthdays make me thankful and make me think-what could I do better in the coming year?
Well, the two THRs certainly helped me work on my patience in the last 2 years, oh and trust. I had to totally trust my doctors and my husband to allow myself to be wheeled into the OR 2 times (ever in my life!) and patient to wait 6 hours (with no food or water allowed) for my first THR. I had to be a little patient with myself in the healing process but, thankfully, I heal in some freakishly weird, high speed fashion.
I still need to work on my patience and my trust. I could always be a better wife and Mother...I get easily frustrated with people when I feel like they are:
-not using common sense
-not paying attention when driving
-acting like THEY are the only people on earth
Ok, so I guess I really need to continue the patience work.
I can manage 99% of things in my life but there's 1% I need to work on. I'm taking steps to get better at it but it still needs work. I'll keep trying, that's all I can do.
I want to continue to purge things out of my house, simplify. We want to be sure that, in 10 years time when we move back to SoCal, our house is in order in every way. Things are just things-what's really important is the people you love-friends, family...
And, I want to be here 48 more years-to love my family and friends, to see how the world changes, to keep learning...
Everyone these days seems to have a 'bucket list'...I don't really have one, though it might be fun to start one...
-I want to go back to Maui. That was the BEST trip ever. I love it there. It's like Santa Barbara on steroids (but in a good way)
-I want to go to the Amalfi Coast. My husband's people are from Italy and I know he wants to see it and so do I
-Before I'm too old to carry it, I'd like a Chanel bag (I'm a bag girl for sure!) I know that's a 'thing' but, well, just being honest here
-I'd like to see our business get a little bit bigger...just a little!
-I'd like to go to Monaco
-I'd like to have a home in my hometown and have a lemon tree and an avocado tree in my yard-I miss that
-I'd like to see just how long I can keep these hips-I'm betting at least 40 years...
-I'd like to see my best childhood friend, Julie Miller, again and have lunch with her. We're on FB but I'd really just like to give her a hug. That goes for Randall P as well and Asik too.
It probably sounds like a sad bucket list but I really don't need much. I love the life I have and I think that's the important thing in life. If you're always 'wishing' for everything, I can't see how you can be happy.
So, there you have it-a blog post.
But, there are times when I need to get something off my chest and I don't want to post it on FB-you know, because everyone sees it instantly and then starts over-analyzing it...and I really just want to get it off my chest and, well, it's ok if someone reads it and all...
Anyway, it's my birthday month-10 days to go to be exact and it always makes me think of my Dad. I'm thrilled to be having another birthday and feeling healthy and strong (after two THRs and some anemia, and those stupid fibroids-that we're getting in check). I'll take the minor things I have over the fact that my Dad died at 47 of a massive heart attack-most likely brought on by congenital factors, high BP, too much salt and, oh, 2 packs a day of cigs.
And, of course, birthdays make me thankful and make me think-what could I do better in the coming year?
Well, the two THRs certainly helped me work on my patience in the last 2 years, oh and trust. I had to totally trust my doctors and my husband to allow myself to be wheeled into the OR 2 times (ever in my life!) and patient to wait 6 hours (with no food or water allowed) for my first THR. I had to be a little patient with myself in the healing process but, thankfully, I heal in some freakishly weird, high speed fashion.
I still need to work on my patience and my trust. I could always be a better wife and Mother...I get easily frustrated with people when I feel like they are:
-not using common sense
-not paying attention when driving
-acting like THEY are the only people on earth
Ok, so I guess I really need to continue the patience work.
I can manage 99% of things in my life but there's 1% I need to work on. I'm taking steps to get better at it but it still needs work. I'll keep trying, that's all I can do.
I want to continue to purge things out of my house, simplify. We want to be sure that, in 10 years time when we move back to SoCal, our house is in order in every way. Things are just things-what's really important is the people you love-friends, family...
And, I want to be here 48 more years-to love my family and friends, to see how the world changes, to keep learning...
Everyone these days seems to have a 'bucket list'...I don't really have one, though it might be fun to start one...
-I want to go back to Maui. That was the BEST trip ever. I love it there. It's like Santa Barbara on steroids (but in a good way)
-I want to go to the Amalfi Coast. My husband's people are from Italy and I know he wants to see it and so do I
-Before I'm too old to carry it, I'd like a Chanel bag (I'm a bag girl for sure!) I know that's a 'thing' but, well, just being honest here
-I'd like to see our business get a little bit bigger...just a little!
-I'd like to go to Monaco
-I'd like to have a home in my hometown and have a lemon tree and an avocado tree in my yard-I miss that
-I'd like to see just how long I can keep these hips-I'm betting at least 40 years...
-I'd like to see my best childhood friend, Julie Miller, again and have lunch with her. We're on FB but I'd really just like to give her a hug. That goes for Randall P as well and Asik too.
It probably sounds like a sad bucket list but I really don't need much. I love the life I have and I think that's the important thing in life. If you're always 'wishing' for everything, I can't see how you can be happy.
So, there you have it-a blog post.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..."
Hi All,
I know, I know...the blogging is sparse-I do apologize! Please visit us over on FB (Jazzercise Chelmsford).
Practically every week I do something that reminds me that, had I let fear rule my life, I never would have had my two THRs and then become well and whole again.
I never imagined that I would be able to allow someone to cut into me and that it would result in me being able to be 'back to my old self'. I mean, they used POWER tools (ok, medical ones, but still there was a drill involved). Now that both surgeries are well over and I'm healed...it's still amazing to me.
I mean, I can walk Lilly (and we're contemplating getting another fur baby!) without pain (I do still bring my one crutch, just to remind her that she can't bolt away from Momma), I can stand up for the 45 minutes it takes to get my hair completely straightened from 'scratch' and not be exhausted, I can teach 3 classes back to back to back-again without being exhausted. I can go to the mall and walk around without so much advance planning it's almost not worth it. I can do errands all day, multiple stops...in and out of the car and store; I can cook an entire meal, even one with lots of prep...I could go on but you get the gist.
I know it might sound simple and silly to some but when you live with intense pain, 24/7, for a decade, it's the little things that matter...like getting up from sitting down to a dinner out with my husband and not feeling like the 'tin man' in Wizard of Oz and needing a minute to get moving.
I'm still learning to 'remember' that I can do things I wasn't able to do before and to not automatically think I can't.
We're planning a pretty great vacation for a few months from now and a vow renewal and Hubs says we need to celebrate how much I've been through the last 2 years and that it's over.
I really don't think of it that way...it doesn't seem like that much but when I type it out and look at it, I guess it is...
So...
In 2009 I found out that I had bilateral hip dysplasia, a condition I had since birth. I never knew what was wrong with my hips, I just knew the past 10 years were very painful and, given that I workout for a living, it was becoming a problem. Actually, it was already a problem, restricting my life in ways I'm still learning about. My surgeon told me he'd do the surgery when I wanted and to try and get to age 50.
I didn't make it. In 2010, at age 46, I had my first THR. No, I did not watch the movie or go to the class. Why? Because I didn't want to KNOW exactly how much sawing, drilling, cutting, hammering and G-d knows what else they were going to do. I just wanted it DONE and me out of pain.
I was terrified-never had a surgery before, not even a tooth extraction. Anesthesia? Um, no. Novocaine was it. I'd had blood drawn once a year for my physical and NEVER had an IV. Last time I was in hospital I was born-literally.
I knew I needed two THRs, one on each side but decided I would wait a few years until my 2nd, and final, one.
Um, no.
I felt so good being back to work, full force, 6 weeks after my first one, I decided with only a month or two notice, to have my 2nd one. My staff pulled together, covered my classes and off I went in August 2011.
In hospital time for both THRs-5 days
Time off teaching for both THRs-10 weeks
Worth it?
1million%
I thought that having hip dysplasia would kill me, the pain was so bad...but it didn't.
I thought there was a chance that 2 surgeries, 13 months apart might too. Uh, no. I am one of the healthiest people that my world class OS has ever seen. How? The big J, that's how.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...if that's even possible. Because, I can say with confidence and pride that I am one of the strongest people I know and I do my best to use that for good.
And, for all my clients-I'm going to help YOU be stronger too-you just need to LET me do it. Our program saved my life in more ways than I can ever tell you. It made me strong in EXACTLY the places in my body that helped me make what is a freakishly fast recovery from 2 major surgeries.
I went from wondering if would be able to continue to teach, to contemplating teaching MORE because I feel THAT good and I know I can do it...safely.
You want some strength-we got your strength right here...COME ON DOWN!
See you on the dancefloor!
I know, I know...the blogging is sparse-I do apologize! Please visit us over on FB (Jazzercise Chelmsford).
Practically every week I do something that reminds me that, had I let fear rule my life, I never would have had my two THRs and then become well and whole again.
I never imagined that I would be able to allow someone to cut into me and that it would result in me being able to be 'back to my old self'. I mean, they used POWER tools (ok, medical ones, but still there was a drill involved). Now that both surgeries are well over and I'm healed...it's still amazing to me.
I mean, I can walk Lilly (and we're contemplating getting another fur baby!) without pain (I do still bring my one crutch, just to remind her that she can't bolt away from Momma), I can stand up for the 45 minutes it takes to get my hair completely straightened from 'scratch' and not be exhausted, I can teach 3 classes back to back to back-again without being exhausted. I can go to the mall and walk around without so much advance planning it's almost not worth it. I can do errands all day, multiple stops...in and out of the car and store; I can cook an entire meal, even one with lots of prep...I could go on but you get the gist.
I know it might sound simple and silly to some but when you live with intense pain, 24/7, for a decade, it's the little things that matter...like getting up from sitting down to a dinner out with my husband and not feeling like the 'tin man' in Wizard of Oz and needing a minute to get moving.
I'm still learning to 'remember' that I can do things I wasn't able to do before and to not automatically think I can't.
We're planning a pretty great vacation for a few months from now and a vow renewal and Hubs says we need to celebrate how much I've been through the last 2 years and that it's over.
I really don't think of it that way...it doesn't seem like that much but when I type it out and look at it, I guess it is...
So...
In 2009 I found out that I had bilateral hip dysplasia, a condition I had since birth. I never knew what was wrong with my hips, I just knew the past 10 years were very painful and, given that I workout for a living, it was becoming a problem. Actually, it was already a problem, restricting my life in ways I'm still learning about. My surgeon told me he'd do the surgery when I wanted and to try and get to age 50.
I didn't make it. In 2010, at age 46, I had my first THR. No, I did not watch the movie or go to the class. Why? Because I didn't want to KNOW exactly how much sawing, drilling, cutting, hammering and G-d knows what else they were going to do. I just wanted it DONE and me out of pain.
I was terrified-never had a surgery before, not even a tooth extraction. Anesthesia? Um, no. Novocaine was it. I'd had blood drawn once a year for my physical and NEVER had an IV. Last time I was in hospital I was born-literally.
I knew I needed two THRs, one on each side but decided I would wait a few years until my 2nd, and final, one.
Um, no.
I felt so good being back to work, full force, 6 weeks after my first one, I decided with only a month or two notice, to have my 2nd one. My staff pulled together, covered my classes and off I went in August 2011.
In hospital time for both THRs-5 days
Time off teaching for both THRs-10 weeks
Worth it?
1million%
I thought that having hip dysplasia would kill me, the pain was so bad...but it didn't.
I thought there was a chance that 2 surgeries, 13 months apart might too. Uh, no. I am one of the healthiest people that my world class OS has ever seen. How? The big J, that's how.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...if that's even possible. Because, I can say with confidence and pride that I am one of the strongest people I know and I do my best to use that for good.
And, for all my clients-I'm going to help YOU be stronger too-you just need to LET me do it. Our program saved my life in more ways than I can ever tell you. It made me strong in EXACTLY the places in my body that helped me make what is a freakishly fast recovery from 2 major surgeries.
I went from wondering if would be able to continue to teach, to contemplating teaching MORE because I feel THAT good and I know I can do it...safely.
You want some strength-we got your strength right here...COME ON DOWN!
See you on the dancefloor!
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